For the first time in almost two years, I am finally feeling like I am gaining my will power, focus, and discipline back. It has been lost for quite some time…..which for me is very much NOT like myself. I am a very driven person. So in the last two years, its been somewhat frustrating to be lacking these things. I was very much floundering! Which has led me to weight gain and lose of true fitness (amongst others things, as well).
In the last two weeks, I have been really concentrating on my own fitness and wellness! I am eating strictly from a 21 day meal plan that will help fix my metabolism and help me trim back up. I am working out a lot too. I am back to two… even sometimes, three a day workouts; Crossfit class, online workouts, and sometimes lifting or running. I am posting like a mad woman on social media, as well….because this keeps me accountable to myself and also to my private FB accountability groups.
I am 12 days in on this new program and LOVE IT (with a 5.5# weight lose so far).
But let me be honest again with yall! It hasn’t been easy! WHY???? Well, because I am fat, fit girl right now! Meaning, I am pretty fit (I can do most WODs at a pretty good pace. I can run a couple of miles without stopping. I can lift some heavy weight). BUT GOSH YALL….. I am not in the same shape I was three to four years ago, when I was crushing all my workouts. I was 15- maybe 20 lbs smaller then. I was running 20+ miles per week, crossfitting and crushing ALL the WODs. Working out was fun and somewhat easy.
Now—well, NOW it is WORK! It is work to finish a WOD…physically and especially mentally. It makes me breath heavy to lift a lot of weight several times. And running more than 2 miles straight is a huge accomplishment if I don’t stop to rest a bit.
It’s a hard reality for me to face that I have let my fitness slip again. Especially when I am a passionate coach!! Realizing that I am not living up to what I have preached the last couple of years….is humbling, to say the least.
And it is even more so humbling when I working out and not able to push myself like I used to. For instance….1) I can’t keep up. 2) Or I can’t or shouldn’t do RX because it simply might kill me! LOL! 3) Or the fact that I went hard on Monday means that the rest of the week I am gonna be sore and tired for the remainder of the week. This is all my own fault because I let me fitness slip. And because I let my fitness slip… I am now having to retrain my body, my mind, and even my competitive spirit.
So it’s been a struggle…..not only physically but especially mentally. I have had to take on a whole new mindset to get past this!!! I have to make a conscience effort in the morning to have the right attitude and work hard mentality…. My brain has to tell my heart, “I have done this before. I have been down this road of being out of shape. And it’s absolutely possible to get my fitness back. But I am gonna have to work my tail off to do it. I am gonna have to embrace the suck!!! I am gonna have to keep moving even when I don’t want to. I am gonna have to scale, if I want to move fast. I am gonna have to eat right foods to fuel myself properly if I want to perform well and lose weight. I am gonna have to say no to social drinks or cookouts that involve non-programmed foods.”
IT’S GONNA BE HARD WORK! THE STRUGGLE IS GONNA BE REAL!
I have to change my mindset and tell my ego to stop being upset at myself, to stop frowning upon myself for not being able to kick ass at every WOD, and to not beat myself up for slowly allowing myself to fall back into these bad habits again. And instead, I have to say…..EVERY DAY… I am doing this and I am doing it well. Even if I am sore, slower than I want, or even not look the way I want. I know that I am improving myself more and more every day.
I CAN! and I WILL get my fitness back!!!!!