As I look back on this past year….I realize how much I have changed as an individual. It was a very different year for me. A year of a lot of change in my life…not to mention turning 40!!
If you know anything about me, you would know I am a very much goal oriented person. I am driven. Hard working. Super dedicated. And STUBBORN!! LOL! You might also know that I make New Year’s Resolutions (aka Goals) every year. Since as long as I could remember, every New Year’s I would write these down and then put them in my Bible to review and remind myself throughout the year. BUT, last year was the first year that I did not do this! WHY?? Cos I had NO CLUE what to expect out of my year. I had no real direction. No real DRIVE for anything in particular….other than crossfitting and some running.
My 2015 year began with me resigning from my 6.5 year position as the Children’s Pastor at my church. And I was coaching crossfit classes very part-time. I had no idea what I was going to do next…. I just knew in my heart that it was time for a change.
Because I am the type of person that needs to have SOMETHING IDENTIFIED as a goal so that I can chase it, to not have any goals were a real struggle for about 8 months out of my year. The only goal I had for the year was to do a CrossFit Competition as a RX athlete. And that didn’t go as planned either….because I got injured one week before the competition. **This was an athlete spirit killer for me too!
I felt like much of my year I was lost.
–I was a new crossfit coach…working hard to gather as much knowledge as possible to help my athletes. And I was also getting to know my coaching peers…and slowly making new friends with those I worked with.
–I was a busy wife and mom—but a mom of teenagers who didn’t need me the way they used to. It’s a big change to have kids who are somewhat independent….that need me and my attention is a totally different way than they did in the earlier years. Now they are little adults. I have gone from Mommy to Mom.
–I was a Christian..struggling to open my Bible and having a hard time connecting with God in my prayer life. (I truly believe this was a huge adjustment since I had just left full time ministry and struggled to know how to study without an audience in mind).
–And as an athlete….It was a humbling year. I had spent much of my year injured. (People warned me this would happen at 40years old-haha). I thought my injury would be just a two-three week deal but it ended up being a 4 month ordeal. And that was just ONE injury.
I vividly remember late in the summer having a complete breakdown at Crossfit. I was hoping to PR (aka Persona Record) on my clean lift (cos I hadn’t PRed in months…like A LOT of months) and I was due. That day I barely hit my previous PR. I was devastated and just threw my barbell down and took off running….while everyone else did the WOD (workout). Yes, it was a grown woman tantrum!!!
As I was running, I remembered that running hurt, too. And right then and there I ran (wobbly) and cried my eyes out…wondering why God was taking everything away from me that made me ME…the things that I loved or felt like I was good at. I couldn’t run. I couldn’t lift heavy. My workouts sucked. I just ran and snot cried! I started doubting my coaching ability. I knew I was struggling spiritually but that snot run I actually felt like He was listening to me.
SOMETHING HAPPENED soon after that tantrum! All of a sudden I was able to feel freedom of being okay with not having a direction. It was like I suddenly understood I was in a “transitional stage”. I was realizing I was refinding myself….. or I think a better term would be “redefining myself”! And suddenly I was content to be open to any change that may come my way.
I have finished off my 2015 year feeling more confident and actually excited about this new transitional time in my life. I am enjoying every minute of redefining who I am…..in God, as an individual, as wife, as parent, as a coach, and as a friend.
And right now I am in a good place……a very, very good place!
–And I will be making goals again this year!!! Stay tuned! Welcoming 2016! Can’t wait to see what it has in store for me!!